Young children do not initially comprehend the concept of punishment, which they first associate with their mother's body language before later perceiving it as unfairness from adults. Children gradually begin to understand the meaning and purpose of punishment—whether physical or emotional—as their mental, emotional, and psychological development progresses. Beyond infancy, a child's perception of adults' reactions to their actions evolves, eventually leading them to recognize punishment as an educational and disciplinary tool that aids learning, behavior modification, and error avoidance.
اضافة اعلان
As a core principle of positive parenting, mothers should refrain from punishing children for certain behaviors at specific ages, as these actions are often entirely natural for their developmental stage. In an exclusive interview with Sayidaty and Child, educational counselor Aref Abdullah outlined seven behaviors for which children aged 2 to 7 should not be punished, including experiencing fear and clinging to toys:
1. Do Not Punish Your Child for Feeling Afraid
Normal, non-clinical fear appears at the moment a child is exposed to a specific situation and dissipates once the trigger is removed. In children aged two to six, normal fear arises in specific contexts and disappears when the child is removed from the situation or when the mother provides a full sense of security—such as offering a warm hug, comforting them until they stop crying, or giving them a treat.
Avoid punishing or shaming your child when they feel afraid during this stage—for instance, by telling them "be a man." It is natural for children at this age to fear unfamiliar situations or novel stimuli. Your role is to explain these experiences rather than punish them for a fear that seems trivial only from an adult perspective.
2. Do Not Punish Your Child for Clinging to Their Toys
Between the ages of two and six, children typically refuse to share their toys because they cherish them. This possessiveness begins even during infancy, when a baby holds tightly to a plush toy while being carried or nursed and cries if it drops. Children understand ownership early on; your responsibility is to gently teach them the value and meaning of sharing.
Never punish a child for refusing to hand over a toy to anyone, regardless of who it is. You should respect your child’s early attachment to their cherished belongings. Avoid repeatedly forcing your child to give a toy to a friend’s or neighbor’s child; forcing a child to relinquish their possessions does not teach generosity, but rather signals that their rights are disregarded and undervalued by adults. When adults respect a child's ownership, the child learns to share, cooperate, and give out of love.
3. Do Not Punish Your Child for Throwing Things When Angry
Children aged 3 to 6 may throw toys, items, or personal belongings onto the floor, hurl them into the air, or kick them. Avoid punishing this behavior, as children have not yet developed the emotional skills to articulate anger, frustration, or boredom—skills that mature later.
During this stage, a child's limited vocabulary makes it difficult to express needs or feelings verbally. Consequently, they express themselves through tantrums that adults might mistake for disrespect, progressing from crying to screaming, kicking, and throwing objects.
4. Do Not Punish Your Child for Interrupting You
Do not punish a child under seven for interrupting your conversations, and do not interpret this behavior as rudeness or a sign of poor upbringing. Interruption is a natural behavior linked to the child's brain development and nervous system architecture: they interrupt simply because they fear forgetting what they want to tell you—and in fact, they often do.
Establish a system that helps your child remember their thoughts without interrupting. For example, agree on a subtle signal: placing a hand on their head could mean "I need you," while raising two fingers means "I will be with you in two minutes." This reassures the child that they are a priority while allowing you to finish your task.
5. Do Not Punish Your Child for Being Highly Active
High activity levels in children up to seven years old are normal and do not indicate a disorder. Instead, it reflects intelligence and high engagement; children naturally move around and remain seated for only brief periods. Avoid punishing high energy levels or forcing a child to sit still.
When driven by high energy, a child will explore their surroundings—opening drawers and cabinets in sequence to discover what is inside. Forcing them to sit still and threatening punishment (such as spanking or reporting them to their father) will only keep them still for a few minutes before restlessness sets in. Instead, channel their energy into age-appropriate activities, such as sorting mixed vegetables or legumes by size.
6. Do Not Punish Your Child for Procrastinating on Tasks
Between ages 3 and 7, children frequently delay completing assigned tasks. Avoid punishing them, as transitioning from one activity to another can be challenging for them. Procrastination or hesitation often stems from not knowing where to begin, which can be addressed by breaking large tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
For example, asking a child to clean their entire desk can feel overwhelming due to the drawers and tabletop involved. Instead, ask: "How about we organize just the top drawer first?" Once completed—perhaps designated for books only—praise them before moving on to the second drawer. Similarly, assign them to water a few small potted plants on a balcony rather than asking them to water the entire home and garden, which feels burdensome and leads to skipped steps, as children naturally prioritize play over work.
7. Do Not Punish Your Child When Struggling to Choose Clothes
Children aged 3 to 7 often cause delays and frustration when selecting outfits for outings. Avoid responding to their difficulty in making decisions with punishment, shouting, or anger, as this increases stubbornness. At this stage, children enjoy asserting independence by insisting on specific outfits, sometimes refusing to leave or delaying plans if forced.
Simplify the decision by presenting limited, weather-appropriate options for the season. Offer only two suitable choices at a time; presenting too many contrasting options increases confusion and prolongs decision-making.
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