We've all been told to look someone in the eye while speaking to them. But how much eye contact is actually appropriate when talking to or listening to someone?
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There's no fixed rule, but "people generally look at others more while listening than while speaking. That said, this gaze is rarely a fixed, unbroken stare," according to Judith Hall, a social psychologist and university professor of psychology at Northeastern University in Boston.
That's because our eyes are constantly making small, varied movements while speaking or listening. While people generally have a good sense of when eye contact becomes too much or too little, Hall noted that there's no precise number that defines the "right" amount, according to CNN Arabic.
It can feel uncomfortable to talk with someone who avoids looking at you, but eye contact during conversation serves purposes beyond simply appearing polite.
Melissa J. Perry, dean of the College of Public Health at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia, explained that "eye contact isn't just a social courtesy; it's actually a brain-stimulating interaction, and one that's absolutely fundamental to human communication." Perry added that humans, as social beings, gather information about others through looking, observing, and listening.
Perry noted that our brains are "wired" to seek sensory input from others through eye contact and other nonverbal cues, including facial expressions and body posture.
Perry added: "Neurologically and biologically, the brain responds to how genuine, empathetic, and credible a person seems before the mind even begins forming an opinion about what they're saying."
Eye contact also carries neurochemical effects within the body, including the release of oxytocin, a neuropeptide that plays a crucial role in social bonding, according to Paula Niedenthal, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, whose research examines the neural, cognitive, social, cultural, and societal effects of mimicking facial expressions and eye gaze.
Niedenthal said: "The primary function of eye contact is to create a social bond with someone, activate the brain's reward systems, and stimulate oxytocin production, ensuring everyone stays engaged in this social dance and keeps it going."
Hall noted that we pick up on people's moods, behaviors, and much more simply by observing them, whether that happens during direct interaction or by watching them without their knowledge.
Hall added that maintaining eye contact with someone while they're speaking to you doesn't necessarily mean staring directly into their eyes, since even people with no hearing difficulties tend to read lips to some extent during conversation.
She said: "Healthy communication relies on natural, intermittent eye contact.
Too little of it can suggest uncertainty or disinterest, while too much can come across as unsettling or confrontational."
She added that avoiding eye contact during interaction can also suggest distance and coldness or even give the impression that something is being hidden.
Hall said people who see themselves as being in a dominant position relative to the person they're speaking with tend to show somewhat different ratios of eye contact while speaking versus listening.
There are also differences between men and women. Hall said, "it's well established that women look at others during conversation more than men do," with the highest levels of eye contact recorded between two women, and the lowest between two men.
Hall noted that "there's a great deal of similarity across cultures, though some cultures may have their own particular norms." Ethnic groups may also differ in certain eye-contact-related situations, such as whether maintaining eye contact with someone of higher status while speaking is seen as a sign of attentiveness or interpreted as a lack of respect and deference. Niedenthal pointed out that there's a "gradual spectrum" when it comes to the degree to which eye contact can become overstimulating or too intense for different people, another reason why there's no strict, fixed rule defining the right amount of eye contact in social situations.
She added that people with certain neurodevelopmental conditions, such as autism, typically tend to avoid eye contact.
