Amman — Huda smiles, but her voice trembles behind that smile as she says: “I put out the last plate before I even realized it. Fouad sat in this chair for 30 years, and my hands still cannot accept that he is no longer with us and will never return.”
اضافة اعلان
Her husband, Fouad, died of a sudden heart attack in the winter of last year. Recalling the experience, Huda says: “The first few weeks were easier than I expected. People were around me, and the house was constantly bustling with activity. But the real shock began when everyone returned to their lives and I was left alone to face the silence, especially as one occasion after another came around during that first year.”
Psychology and sociology specialists confirm that the first year after a loss is often the most difficult. During this period, bereaved people face every major occasion for the first time without their loved one: the first Ramadan, the first Eid, the first wedding anniversary, and even the children’s first school year. These first encounters bring grief into renewed focus and deepen the sense of emptiness.
Sociologist Dr. Hussein Khazaie said: “Special occasions are moments when a family’s identity is renewed. The dining table, greetings and small traditions remind each person of their place in the family. When one of its pillars is missing, family members feel that the picture is incomplete.”
He noted that society can sometimes add to the burden unintentionally by expecting grieving people to return to normal after 40 days or a few months. This silent pressure drives many people to conceal their grief from others.
Kareem, who lost his father several months ago, says his birthday a few weeks ago was one of the hardest occasions for him. He recalled: “My father was always the first to call me at 7 a.m., before I even woke up. This time, silence, heaviness and sadness were the first things I experienced at that hour.” He added that he revisited all their conversations on WhatsApp and read them, finding comfort in this way of remembering his father.
Psychological and educational counselor Raeda Kilani emphasized that what these individuals are experiencing is neither weakness nor illness. Grief is a natural response to losing someone who was present in their lives. Contrary to what some people believe, it does not follow a straight line but comes in waves.
She added: “A person may feel fine for two weeks, then be struck by a wave of grief because of a smell, a song or a particular dish. This does not mean they have regressed.”
Kilani cautioned against the idea of fixed stages of grief, explaining that there is no set timetable that people must follow. Some experience anger, others feel guilt, while others feel numb. All these are understandable responses.
Khazaie and Kilani offered several practical suggestions that may make the first year gentler for those who have lost someone dear to them. These include planning ahead so that a difficult day does not come as a surprise, and deciding in advance who to spend it with, how to mark it and what might help make it easier to bear, such as prayer or a large family gathering.
Rather than canceling traditions associated with an occasion, families can observe them as though their loved one were still present. They might prepare a favorite dish, pray for the deceased, and revisit memories and conversations with those the person loved.
Kilani explained that many families avoid mentioning the deceased for fear of upsetting one another, causing grief to become a secret. However, talking about the person and sharing memories, including funny ones, can ease feelings of loneliness.
She stressed that grieving people should allow themselves to laugh and feel joy on special occasions, as doing so does not mean they are betraying or forgetting their loved one. Self-care, including adequate sleep, proper nutrition and a short walk, is not a luxury during this period. Grief takes a toll on the body as well as the soul.
She also emphasized that grieving individuals have the right to say “no” without having to explain themselves. Declining an invitation or leaving a gathering early is a legitimate choice and a way of respecting their own feelings.
Khazaie stressed that people cannot live in isolation, as human life is built around community, and seeking professional support is not a sign of failure. He explained that such support may be needed when someone struggles to perform daily tasks for months, completely withdraws from others, feels that life has no meaning, or experiences thoughts of self-harm. In such cases, they should contact a specialist or a trusted person as soon as possible.
Kilani noted that having people around a bereaved family during special occasions, asking what they need and offering genuine support, can make these moments easier to bear.
She emphasized that the passing of a full year does not mean grief has ended. Rather, people learn to carry it differently, allowing the absence to become part of life instead of becoming their entire life.
Returning to Huda’s story, she decided to gather her children and relatives for the occasion so they could remember Fouad through amusing stories, pray for God’s mercy upon him, and share foods and sweets he had loved. They would also distribute some of them as charity in his memory and for the sake of his soul.
Huda stressed that she has not overcome her loss, but has learned how to live with her husband’s memory and turn special occasions into opportunities to keep it alive rather than occasions devoted solely to grieving for him.
