Amid questions, reflection and disagreements, many people are turning to digital tools to express their feelings and search for solutions. This shift confirms that the digital transformation we are experiencing has become a reality, reaching even the most intimate details of everyday life.
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Married couples have not been immune to this transformation. Married life brings numerous challenges and disagreements that require partners to communicate, understand one another and seek appropriate solutions.
However, as daily life accelerates and people seek to protect their privacy, artificial intelligence has emerged as a “refuge” for some couples looking for emotional and family advice without sharing the details of their lives with others.
As AI becomes an integral part of many people’s lives, some couples have found tools such as ChatGPT a space in which to discuss marital problems and disagreements. They believe these tools offer quick, accurate advice from a neutral party capable of providing perspectives based on a broad range of information about human relationships.
Turning to machines instead of seeking professional help
Mental health and family relationship specialists have warned against excessive reliance on AI models as substitutes for family and psychological counsellors. They say introducing these tools into the details of married life may indirectly turn them into a “third party” in the relationship, influencing how each partner understands the other and views disagreements. They may also reinforce preconceived judgments or widen the gap between spouses rather than help them overcome problems and build mutual understanding.
This trend raises important questions about why some couples turn to machines instead of seeking professional help, and whether the accessibility and speed of digital advice create a false sense of resolution at a time when marital relationships require a deep understanding of each partner’s emotions and circumstances.
Haneen Al-Batoush, a family and educational psychology counsellor, explains that some couples turn to AI tools because they want a quick, private space to express themselves where they feel safe from criticism or social embarrassment. Disclosing marital problems can be accompanied by fears that family privacy will be compromised, that others will interfere, or that seeking counselling will be interpreted as a sign of marital failure.
Practical considerations also play a role, Al-Batoush says, including cost, lack of time and difficulty finding a trusted specialist. Digital conversations, by contrast, are available at the very moment anxiety or feelings of disappointment intensify.
People describe disagreements through the lens of their pain
Al-Batoush explains that the motivation is not always to find a solution. Sometimes, without fully realising it, people are looking for someone to confirm that they are right and relieve them of the responsibility of examining their own behaviour.
During emotionally charged moments, people may recount disagreements from the perspective of their own pain, highlighting what their partner did while overlooking their own provocation, withdrawal or hurtful behaviour. This reveals one of the key limitations of these tools: they generate responses based on the information provided, but they do not independently verify events or hear the other partner’s account unless that person has an opportunity to present their experience.
Accordingly, a response that aligns with a user’s account does not necessarily reflect the reality of the relationship. Al-Batoush explains that if someone fails to acknowledge their role in a problem or provides selective information, the response may reinforce their position or assume they are the only person who has been harmed. This undermines the reliability of any judgment about the disagreement, even when the wording appears balanced and convincing.
Al-Batoush stresses that precise language cannot compensate for missing information, and empathy for someone’s feelings does not prove that their accusations are justified. The comfort a user finds can become misleading reassurance if it makes them more attached to their own account and less willing to understand their partner.
She also notes that speaking to a digital tool gives users control over the conversation. They choose what to reveal and what to leave out, and they can rephrase their questions until they receive an answer they find reassuring.
Responses that reinforce the user’s version of events
Professional counselling requires a willingness to reconsider interpretations and behaviour and to accept responsibility. Although this can be psychologically more difficult, it is more likely to bring about meaningful change, Al-Batoush says.
She explains that reliance on AI becomes concerning when it shifts from helping people think through their problems to acting as the authority that decides who is right and who is wrong.
In such cases, one partner may present a digital response as proof of the other’s guilt, saying, “Even ChatGPT thinks you’re wrong.” Dialogue then loses its purpose as a space for understanding and becomes a confrontation in which each partner seeks to prove their position.
If both spouses consult the tool and provide different accounts, each may return with a response supporting their own perspective. Individual convictions may grow stronger while the chances of reaching a shared understanding diminish.
From a psychological and family perspective, Al-Batoush says the danger lies in reinforcing a one-sided interpretation of the relationship. When responses repeatedly align with a user’s account, possibilities may turn into certainties, leading them to interpret silence as punishment, disagreement as disrespect or being busy as a lack of love.
Some of these interpretations may be correct, she explains, but they require clarification and assessment rather than automatic confirmation. The risk increases when labels such as “narcissist,” “manipulative” or “mentally ill” are applied on the basis of a limited account. Such labels can reduce a partner to a definitive judgment and shape how they are treated without sufficient diagnostic grounds.
Al-Batoush adds that excessive digital venting may temporarily ease distress while leaving the underlying causes of disagreement unresolved. One partner may feel that they have spoken and been understood, while the other remains unaware of what is happening internally. Unexpressed needs then continue to accumulate between them.
Avoid turning digital advice into authority
According to Al-Batoush, trust can also be affected when messages or intimate details are shared without considering a partner’s privacy, or when family decisions are made based on conversations the partner knows nothing about.
This does not undermine a person’s right to seek private and safe support.
Rather, it highlights the importance of protecting information and preventing digital advice from becoming an authority imposed on the other partner.
Al-Batoush explains that this is where automated responses differ from specialised counselling. A qualified professional does not simply endorse one person’s account. Instead, they use professional interviews, exploratory questions, observations of interaction patterns and appropriate assessment tools when needed to understand the history of the problem and the factors that sustain it.
Professionals also seek to hear both partners while recognising that each person’s account requires understanding and careful assessment. Even when only one spouse attends, a professional observes the limits of what can be inferred and does not diagnose the absent partner based solely on the other person’s description.
However, Al-Batoush emphasises that not every use of these tools harms a marriage. The danger increases when AI responses replace dialogue and professional assessment, or are used to justify behaviour and avoid personal responsibility. Repairing a relationship requires understanding what is happening and a willingness to change behaviour, not simply obtaining an answer that makes one partner feel victorious.
She notes that AI can be useful for organising thoughts before a conversation, identifying emotions, expressing needs clearly and preparing questions to discuss with a partner or a specialist.
Avoid entering information that reveals identity
One useful application is asking AI to distinguish facts from interpretations or consider different possible explanations for a situation, while acknowledging that the account presented reflects only one perspective.
For example, asking, “How can I express that I feel neglected and understand what my partner is going through?” opens the door to dialogue. By contrast, asking, “How can I prove that my partner does not care about me?” steers the conversation towards confirming a pre-existing accusation.
Al-Batoush stresses that responsible use requires honesty with oneself. Users should include their own behaviour and reactions, acknowledge what they do not know about the situation, and avoid omitting information that might call their own actions into question.
Even then, the response remains tentative and limited by the available context. It cannot, on its own, diagnose a partner or determine whether a marriage should continue or end.
Protecting privacy is also essential. Users should avoid entering identifying information, private messages, photographs or sensitive details. A practical test is to ask: “Does using this tool help promote clearer, more responsible communication, or does it increase accusations, rumination and emotional distance?”
A qualified specialist, by contrast, builds an understanding of the situation on scientific and professional foundations. Al-Batoush explains that the specialist assesses the nature and severity of the disagreement, psychological needs, communication patterns and safety risks, then develops a guidance or treatment plan within their area of expertise and professional licence.
Such a plan includes measurable goals, interventions suited to the case and follow-up to assess the response, with referral to another speciality when necessary. This underscores that professional counselling is a process of assessment, intervention and follow-up, not general advice offered without regard to a family’s circumstances.
Al-Batoush adds that counselling generally takes marital values, rights and responsibilities into account and may be guided by recognised Islamic principles within the specialist’s qualifications, with religious scholars consulted on matters of religious rulings and jurisprudence.
She concludes that marital relationships need more than a convincing answer. They require mutual listening, honesty in self-reflection and the courage to take responsibility for change. AI tools may help people organise what they want to say, but they cannot independently hear what remains unspoken or verify whether an account is complete.
Their use should therefore be guided by an awareness of their limitations, with professional support sought when problems become complex or trust and psychological safety within the family are affected.
Source: Al-Ghad. Reporting: Rasha Kanakrieh
