Learning that your
child is being bullied can be one of the
hardest things for a parent to hear. However, the fact remains that most
parents will have to deal with it in some form or another because more than
half of all children are somehow involved in
bullying, whether as victims,
perpetrators and their followers, bystanders, or the victim’s active or passive
defenders.
اضافة اعلان
No matter the form of bullying a child experiences, its
repercussions on their mental health, and even their
physical health, can be
disastrous. Continuously emerging studies are showing a strong link between
bullying and suicide, and how bullying tends to aggravate depression and
therefore increase the risk of suicide for both victims and bullies.
Many
parents might feel helpless in situations of bullying
because they might not know how to handle the situation in a proactive manner
without making things worse for their child. However, the amount of research
available and the work that many experts on bullying have done over the past
few decades prove that there are many ways to support your child and play an
active role in putting an end to bullying.
Be careful with your words
As a parent, you are the first exposure your child will have
to the concept of body image. The sad truth is that many parents, especially in
our region, tend to comment on their child’s body and features in a way they
imagine to be constructive or a form of “tough love”, when in reality it is
nothing but damaging and will only give a child a reason to accept others’
comments on their appearance. If a child hears their parents or other
family members comment or poke fun at their features or weight, do not be surprised
when you find that this has also been happening at school. Your child never
said anything about it, because for them it was was a simple matter of “if my
family does it, then it must be okay for my classmates to do it as well”.
So, be very mindful of the words and language that you or
other members of the family use when talking to your child. The only proper,
healthy way to build a child’s confidence is by promoting a healthy body image
through creating a
healthy relationship with food and making sure that the
child is consistently physically active.
Do not wait for the bullying to happen
Prevention is always better than intervention. Talking about
bullying and preparing your child on how to handle it ahead of time in case it
ever happens is the first step to taking action. Know that by the age of three,
your child is ready to start learning tricks that will make them less of an
inviting target for a bully.
Begin practicing outwards confidence, and have them practice
maintaining eye contact when speaking to their friends. One tip is to tell your
child to always pay attention to the eye color of the person they are speaking
to, such as their friend, to better ensure that they know how to maintain
eye contact when talking to someone that is bothering them. Sometimes how confident
you look in front of a bully is more powerful than what you say.
Then you can begin to role play different “what if”
scenarios with them, in order to practice appearing confident and empower them
to deal with challenges. Practice doing happy, sad, excited, and brave faces,
and condition them to always switch on their brave face when facing a bully.
Sometimes how confident you look in front
of a bully is more powerful than what you say.
While practicing such scenarios, create a list of responses
for different situations. According to Michelle Borba, Ed.D, a parent advisor
and author of
The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, “the key is that a comeback
shouldn’t be a put-down, because that aggravates a bully”.
Know when your child is a victim
Be on the lookout for any signs that you child may be
bullied. Some of these signs include: coming home with dirty or torn clothing,
bringing home damaged possessions or books or reporting things lost, having
cuts, scratches, or bruises, being afraid to go to school, having few friends,
and appearing sad and irritable. Know that in order for any of these signs to
be considered signs of bullying, they cannot be one-off instances, but rather
happen more than once over a period of time.
Some parents believe that their
children will tell them when
they are being bullied, but the reality is that most children do not report
bullying. This could be for many reasons, such as: feelings of shame, not
wanting to worry parents, fear of not being believed, fear that telling will
make things worse, that they would be labeled a “snitch” and, most worryingly,
having no confidence that circumstances will change, especially due to past
poor responses. These are all valid concerns and you should never shame your
child for not coming forward about being bullied; they are already scared and
being mad at them for not saying anything will only add to their list of
reasons to not tell you anything ever again.
When you start to suspect that your child is being bullied,
talk with them. Start by asking subtle questions such as “what do you do when
you get angry at someone at school?”; “if your peers get mad at you, how do
they act?”; “how do you feel when you hear kids putting each other down?” Then
begin to ask more direct questions such as “who do you sit with during break/on
the bus?” and “what do you do in between classes?” Once you have gathered
information that seems to convey the message that someone might be bothering
the child, ask direct questions such as “Are there any kids at school who tease
you in a mean way?” or “is there anyone at school who seems scary to you?”
Talk with your child’s teachers and ask them who they see
your child spending time with, how well your child gets along with others in
the class, and whether they have ever noticed or suspected that your child
might be bullied.
Teach them the right way to react
It is important to teach your child that a bully’s main
desire is to have control and power, and that bullies lack self-control and
empathy, which is why they are willing to hurt others to get what they want.
The first thing a child should do when facing off with a bully is to never
allow themself to feel bad. This is a lot easier said than done, but
encouraging your child to always say something kind to themselves for every
mean thing a bully says to them is a terrific place to start.
Do not reward the bully with tears; your child has to act
like their taunts and name-calling do not hurt. Teach your child to disarm the
bully with a sense of humor and laugh at his threats.
Many parents will ignore the advice of bullying experts that
have dedicating their
professional careers to studying and researching the the
best ways to confront and deal with a bully. Some parents will simply offer the
same age-old, thoughtless advice of “whoever hits you hit them back”, thinking
that it will simply end there. It is one thing to defend yourself and
physically restrain the bully and push him away, and quite another to become
violent and cause serious harm and then be rightfully reprimanded for it by the
school.
Work with the school
It is vital that you remain in contact and work closely with
your child’s
school and report any bullying incidents. Find out about your
school’s anti-bullying policy, and become familiar with their prevention and
intervention strategies, as well as with their awareness programs. Contact the
school’s counselors and work with them closely to monitor your child, listen to
their advice on how to best support your child at home, and keep track of how
your child is being supported at school. You can also use the school as a
medium to contact the bully’s parents and make it clear that your goal is to
resolve the matter together.
Lastly, always remind your child that being bullied will
never be their fault, that they are never alone and that you are always there
to help. Help your child identify and label their feelings, by talking about
your own feelings first. Keep your lines of communication open and always react
in a calm yet firm manner. Never underestimate any negative or uncomfortable
experiences that you child goes through, nor assume that bullying is some rite
of passage that is normal for children to experience and that the issue will
work itself out. Being picked on or teased should never be accepted, and it is
essential to help your child build confidence and learn how to deal with
bullying in order to prevent it from escalating to an unfortunate ending.
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