Everyone has rough days, even
children. Whether it was a bad day at school
or a fight with a sibling, children can experience overwhelming emotions at
certain periods of time.
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And because
children are not born knowing how to express their feelings, they tend to
demonstrate their feelings by acting out. So if a child faces a scary or
frustrating situation, they might respond by throwing a tantrum, getting
aggressive, not cooperating, or rebelling against rules.
However, if
parents start to notice a problematic pattern of this unwanted behavior, this
can indicate that it is more than just a bad day. However, there is a
fundamental disconnect between
parents and children when dealing with and
understanding the source of the action.
While it might
seem children’s actions are coming out of nowhere, many parents and adults
wrongly assume that this only means that the child needs to be more strictly
disciplined instead of seeing it as an attempt to communicate by the child.
Therefore, parents
must take that first step and get to the root cause of their children’s
outbursts to remedy the situation in a calm manner that does not alienate the
child.
A symptom, not a problem
It is important to note that “acting out” is not the problem itself but a
symptom of a problem or an unfulfilled need.
According to the
American Psychological Association, acting out is an “extreme behavioral
expression of emotions that relieves tension or communicates these emotions in
a disguised or indirect way.” Meaning that it is considered more severe than
simple misbehavior and is disruptive to day-to-day functioning.
It is unlikely that your child has been throwing consistent tantrums for a significant amount of time just because they are hungry, tired, or thirsty — the problem is likely to be deeper than that.
This can include
physical or verbal aggression or even the destruction of property. It can also
manifest through defiance, disruptive actions, oppositional behavior, temper
tantrums, meltdowns, and sometimes all the above at the same time.
Check the biological marker
When dealing with a child acting out, the first thing to get out of the
way is checking if they are in any sort of physical discomfort.
It is unlikely
that your child has been throwing consistent tantrums for a significant amount
of time just because they are hungry, tired, or thirsty — the problem is likely
to be deeper than that. A thyroid issue can cause a possible reason that can
cause them to act out.
According to
pediatric endocrinologists, behavioral issues are more common in children with
hyperthyroidism — when the thyroid gland does not send out enough thyroid
hormone to the body — including irritability, mood swings, and emotional
outbursts.
Hearing issues
might be another reason behind your child acting out. Most research suggests
that problems with language and communications are the root of behavioral
issues. Therefore, when there is a barrier such as
hearing loss or difficulty
in hearing between the child and others, this can increase their difficulty
understanding and communicating verbally, affecting their impulse control and
making regulating their actions more difficult.
A study that
included a questionnaire filled by parents of 5,000 Dutch elementary school
participants showed that students with slight or mild hearing impairment
exhibited higher
behavioral problems and scored lower on standardized testing
than those with no hearing impairment.
Other possible
reasons include children coping with sensory issues, including undiagnosed or
unrecognized sensory processing disorders, which consistently cause them
overstimulation and discomfort, like squeaky chairs or blinking lights.
Need for attention
Acting out could also mean that your child wants your attention, either
positive or negative. However, parents must deal with negative behavior through
certain parenting strategies to ensure that they are gradually working to
improve them.
While it might seem children’s actions are coming out of nowhere, many parents and adults wrongly assume that this only means that the child needs to be more strictly disciplined instead of seeing it as an attempt to communicate by the child.
For instance, it
is important for parents to, sometimes, ignore the bad mood and not give
attention to or react to a child’s negativity. This is necessary because
accepting your child, even when they have a bad temperament, will allow for
your relationship to develop positively.
Try to minimize or
avoid power struggles as much as possible. A study published in the Journal of
Clinical Child Psychology looked at a link between parenting practices and
child disruptive behavior problems in elementary school. It found that parents
who rely on punitive punishments and interactions lead to elevated levels of
disruptive behaviors in children.
It also found that
low levels of warmth in interactions were associated with elevated levels of
opposition. Additionally, physically aggressive parents were specifically
linked to child aggression.
In addition to
wanting attention from parents, children in elementary school and older might
act out to gain attention from and/or impress their peers. Even then, it is
important to understand the motivation behind such actions: whether it’s
because they are being ostracized and left out of friend circles, are being
bullied, or simply for amusement.
As long as acting
out gives them the attention they want, they will continue to do it.
Worried or afraid
Another reason that may cause a child to act out is out of fear or worry
over something.
It could be due to
an upcoming transition or change, such as a new baby on the way, a new house, a
new school, etc. And due to their lack of ability to express their fear or
worry healthily, they will start to act out.
In addition to not
being able to communicate their feelings verbally, children also have trouble
regulating their emotions. So even if they have normal fears such as the dark
or monsters, it will inhibit them from remaining calm and regulated and will
have them on edge until these fears are addressed and, more importantly,
validated.
Acting out becomes
a coping mechanism for them to deal with these fears and a way for them to gain
some control over the situation. If parents want to extinguish these negative
behaviors, it is key for them to help their children gradually face their fears
and overcome them.
It is also
preferred for parents to address their child’s fear during a calm moment where
they will be able to connect and converse with their
child.
Parents can use
bedtime stories or take them for a drive and address the issue honestly while
remaining positive and optimistic.
How to respond to children acting out
While it is important to always try to look for the root cause behind
negative behavior coming from your child before you implement a consequence or consider
seeking help, you should feel comfortable knowing that will not always
understand your child’s behavior — as children are not usually the most
rational.
As long as you
remain calm through any tantrum they might throw, you can ensure that your
child will not feel as though you are against them. You should also validate
their feelings, whatever they may be, to ensure the possibility of a connection
and make them feel as though they can trust you.
However, setting
clear expectations and following through with immediate, consistent, and
age-appropriate consequences is also vital. Teach them positive behavior by
encouraging them to make a positive effort to change their initial negative
reaction, which requires time and patience.
Help them find
hobbies and interests that can help relieve them and put them in a calm state.
If you do not see
any improvement in your child’s behavior or notice that it has gotten worse,
consider seeking help and speak to a professional, such as your pediatrician.
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