Amman - Amal opens her phone at the end of a long day. She is not looking for anything in particular, scrolling through posts, photos and videos, until she stops at a picture of a former colleague celebrating a promotion.
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She moves on to another post, from a friend who has announced a move to a new home, and then sees photos of someone in her circle on holiday in a country she has always wanted to visit.
Amal cannot tell why her ordinary day suddenly feels less valuable, and why, despite what she has achieved, she still feels stuck in the same place.
She puts the phone down, but the comparison that opened in her mind does not close. She starts reviewing the past years and asking herself: "What have I achieved? Where was I supposed to be by now? Why does it seem that others know their way well, while I am still trying to work out my steps?"
Kiram, meanwhile, finds himself facing a similar feeling whenever he sees news of his friends, professional or personal. One has started his own business, another has got married, and a third has bought a car or travelled abroad for work. Kiram does not deny that everyone has their own circumstances, but he finds it hard to stop the question creeping into his mind: "Why haven't I reached what they have?"
As these scenes repeat, other people's news shifts from passing details into milestones against which he measures his own place in life.
The experiences of Amal and Kiram sum up a feeling many people share, in an age when the details of daily life are displayed on screens.
Anyone who follows social media and the content people share will find that comparison is no longer limited to a colleague or a relative we meet at events. It now extends to dozens of people we follow every day, whose achievements we know far better than the challenges they faced to reach them.
The problem is not in being happy for others' success, or in aspiring to a better life. It is in the moment when someone else's achievement becomes proof that you are behind, and life turns into an unspoken race, in which you enter without knowing the starting point or the circumstances that govern each competitor.
Counsellor and educational psychologist Raeda Al-Kilani describes it this way: "A comparison can begin with natural admiration. We see someone achieve a goal and feel enthusiastic about trying something similar. But that feeling changes when we tie what we see to our personal worth, or when we decide that what the other person achieved is something we should have achieved at the same age."
She explained that comparison is not necessarily harmful. Sometimes it helps a person identify their goals and what they want to develop.
But it can become a burden when it turns into a constant judgement of oneself, or when a person ignores the differences in circumstances, resources and timing between them and others.
She added: "Watching a friend get a promotion may not reveal the years of training and pressure behind it. A photo of a new home does not show the financial commitments that came with buying it, or what its owner gave up or sacrificed in other areas of life. What reaches the viewer is usually the final result, not the long road that came before it."
Sociology professor Dr Hussein Khza'i confirmed that this feeling and these comparisons cannot be separated from the social environment that gives some achievements more value than others.
He said society does not always view life's paths with the same degree of respect. Milestones such as a stable job, marriage, owning a home and travel hold a clear place in people's conversations and expectations.
He explained that comparison is sometimes fuelled by questions from family and friends, and by remarks that pit people against each other, such as asking why someone is late to marry, has not got a better job, or does not own what their peers have.
He noted that these expectations turn into standards that pressure individuals, especially when success is measured by set stages that everyone is supposed to reach at similar ages.
He said that when the expected social path becomes stronger than a person's own wishes and abilities, they feel they must prove their progress to others, instead of deciding for themselves what success means to them.
Digital media specialist and media and information literacy trainer Bayan Al-Qudah stressed that social media platforms play an important role in widening the circle of comparison. They do not only display other people's achievements, but also make them present and recurring throughout the user's day.
She explained that a person who sees posts about travel, professional success or purchases is shown more similar content, depending on how they interact with the platform and what its systems and algorithms learn about their interests.
Recommendation algorithms intensify the appearance of certain types of content when users engage with them by watching, liking, commenting, sharing, or simply pausing to look at them for a few seconds.
She added that this does not mean the platform necessarily knows what a person feels, but it can detect patterns of engagement and serve content close to them. This means the user keeps seeing repeated examples of successful, wealthy or accomplished lives.
Al-Qudah said the way content is posted also shapes the picture that viewers form. People tend to share the moments they want to show, not the full details of their days.
As a result, other people's lives appear to be an unbroken string of successes, while the viewer does not see the moments of hesitation, failure, disagreement or waiting that form a natural part of any human experience.
She said: "With these images repeated, the user forgets that they are comparing their everyday life, with all its details and pressures, to carefully selected snapshots of other people's lives. This doubles the gap between reality and what appears on screen, and the feeling of falling short becomes the result of an unequal comparison from the start."
She pointed out that she does not recommend tackling this comparison by cutting off from platforms or ignoring other people's success. Instead, it is important to pay attention to the effect that following these accounts has on mood and daily decisions. If browsing accounts leaves a recurring sense of frustration or inadequacy, it is worth reviewing the kind of content being followed and reducing exposure to accounts that turn life into a constant display of achievements.
Finally, she stressed that the problem is not that others are moving ahead, but that a person loses the ability to see their own steps while watching theirs. Life is not a single race, and an achievement does not lose its value because someone else has reached a different achievement, or a milestone before them.
Source: Al-Ghad. Reporting by: Dima Mahbouba
