When Jamie Krems was in her early 20s, she went through a difficult experience in her friendships. That experience prompted her to pursue a career focused on studying friendships among adults, a field she describes as severely neglected, both in terms of attention and funding. Instead, research tends to focus on romantic relationships or, conversely, on the dynamics that contribute to stereotyping and discrimination.
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Krems pointed to an analysis by researcher Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, which found that a lack of social connections can harm health to an extent comparable to smoking as many as 15 cigarettes a day.
She also noted that people increasingly feel their skills in forming friendships are declining, citing Google search trends. The search query “how to make friends” reached an all-time high last spring, far surpassing searches about finding a partner or falling in love, according to CNN Arabic.
This has also contributed to the spread of the “loneliness epidemic,” a feeling experienced by more than half of adults in the United States and one that prompted an official warning from the U.S. surgeon general in 2023.
However, research conducted by Krems and others has shown that there are practical steps people can take to address the problem. Krems, who currently serves as director of the Friendship Research Center at the University of California, Los Angeles, said friendships “involve skills that can be learned.”
Drawing on research by Dr. Daniel Hruschka and colleagues at Arizona State University, Krems explained that there are two main “ingredients” for forming friendships: “repeated interaction and mutual attraction.”
Being in the same place with the same people repeatedly, even if it is something as simple as visiting the same café every week and writing in your journal, can be a good starting point. Krems noted that this is the part of the equation that is easier for people to control.
One way to increase your chances of success on both fronts is to identify what Dartmouth University researcher Dr. Janice McCabe calls “friendship markets”—simply, “places where many people are open to making friends.”
McCabe, who teaches about how people connect with one another, said it is extremely useful to consider different aspects of your personal identity when looking for “friendship markets,” including aspects you might not expect.
“If there’s a new identity you’re looking to explore, seek out places where people meet regularly and have opportunities to get to know one another,” she said, particularly places that provide dedicated time for interaction, such as running clubs, where people can chat while running, or art workshops.
McCabe noted that expatriate communities are a good example of “friendship markets.” People living in another country often hope to make friends with locals, but they may also form strong connections with others going through the same experience as “foreigners,” even if they come from different countries.
Research shows that asking others for help or favors can strengthen relationships.
Krems said asking for help has become less common today because there are “so many apps on our phones that perform tasks that friends used to do.”
However, asking someone for a favor can actually make that person like you more if they respond and help you, according to Krems.
Similarly, Dr. Alison Nagle, an assistant professor at the University of Virginia and director of the Connection Project, which aims to combat loneliness and social isolation among adolescents and young adults, said that being open and showing vulnerability during conversations can have a similar effect by strengthening trust.
“It is associated with a greater ability to cope with stress and improved immune function, which reduces the likelihood of becoming ill,” Nagle explained.
She cited studies indicating that older adults who have friends and strong social connections have a one-third lower risk of developing dementia and a one-half lower risk of stroke.
“If friendship were a drug, it would be the most widely prescribed drug in history,” she said.
Resource: Al-Ghad.
