Amman — Laughter here and there in schoolyards is often accompanied by a range of comments, some spontaneous and innocent, while others can be hurtful, affecting self-confidence and upsetting a girl’s sense of balance. This is what some schoolgirls experience.
اضافة اعلان
The details of school life are once again coming to the fore, not only in terms of academics, but also in relation to children’s appearance and how they are perceived by their peers.
As bullying among children becomes more widespread, some girls at an early age have begun expressing an interest in personal grooming, paying greater attention to their appearance in search of comfort and confidence within the school environment and to avoid comments that could affect their psychological well-being.
Tihani, 42, described her shock when her 11-year-old daughter asked her to remove some hair from her eyebrows. She initially refused, considering her daughter still a child.
Tihani said her daughter’s reaction was strong and unusual, reflecting feelings of vulnerability and distress. She therefore decided to talk to her, and after asking questions, realized that her daughter’s classmates were making fun of the shape of her eyebrows and the fact that they were connected.
Tihani felt that her daughter had lost confidence in her appearance. She eventually agreed to her request in an effort to restore her confidence and foster self-love through conversation and guidance, helping her understand that a person’s value and beauty lie in their mind, not their appearance.
A child’s image among peers
Recently, a video circulated on social media showing a mother advising other mothers to listen to their daughters’ wishes regarding personal grooming. She argued that some details that may seem insignificant to parents can be important to a girl, particularly if she is being subjected to comments from those around her.
But these wishes have opened a discussion between a generation of mothers raised on phrases such as “You’re too young for this” and a new reality in which a child’s image among peers has become more prominent and influential due to social media and the spread of different standards of beauty and appearance.
This raises several questions: Can fulfilling some girls’ grooming wishes boost their confidence and help them overcome certain situations at school? Or could it reinforce the idea that others’ acceptance of them is linked to their appearance?
More importantly, how can parents distinguish between a genuine need for personal grooming and a desire driven by bullying?
The difference between self-confidence and satisfaction with appearance
Psychological and family counseling specialist Dr. Khawla Al-Saeeda said age-appropriate personal grooming can help children feel comfortable and satisfied with themselves, particularly when it stems from healthy attention to hygiene, neatness and personal comfort.
“The most important thing is to distinguish between self-confidence and satisfaction with appearance. Healthy confidence should not be based on a child’s looks or on how much others admire them,” she said.
Al-Saeeda explained that amid bullying, appearance can become more sensitive for a girl because repeated comments may cause her to focus on a particular aspect of her appearance and believe that it is the reason others reject her.
Therefore, if paying attention to her appearance helps her feel comfortable, parents can respond within age-appropriate limits. At the same time, however, they should work to strengthen other sources of confidence, including her personality, abilities, friendships, achievements and the way she interacts with others.
When trying to please others takes away comfort
According to Al-Saeeda, “A girl will feel comfortable if the desire comes from within and is connected to wanting to be her best. But if the desire comes from outside or results from trying to please others, she will not feel comfortable.”
In other words, parents should tell a child: “Take care of yourself because you deserve to be cared for,” rather than: “Take care of your appearance so that others will accept you.”
Al-Saeeda stressed that parents should not judge a request simply because it has been made. Instead, they should listen to the child and try to understand the motivation behind it. Parents can calmly ask questions such as: “What made you want to do this?” “Did someone comment on your appearance?” or “Do you feel you have to do this so they won’t bully you?”
She stressed that parents should watch for signs such as avoiding school, crying over their appearance, constantly comparing themselves with other girls, or becoming excessively preoccupied with how they look.
In such cases, the problem may not actually be “personal grooming” at all, but rather bullying, body image concerns or appearance-related anxiety.
Most importantly, according to Al-Saeeda, parents should ask the child about the reason behind the request and give her a safe and trusting space to talk, while avoiding judgment of her feelings, thoughts or behavior. Her answers can help identify the cause and determine whether she is being bullied and trying to please others.
Social media and shaping images of the “ideal” girl
Al-Saeeda emphasized the importance of recognizing social media’s role in shaping images and models of what an attractive girl should look like, noting that children may be influenced by what they see and imitate it unconsciously.
According to Al-Saeeda, the right way for parents to respond to a girl’s personal-grooming needs without reinforcing the idea that acceptance depends on appearance is based on one basic principle: respond to the child’s needs without making appearance the center of her value.
She noted that this is particularly important because it concerns the hidden world of children, where parents may not know what is happening with their children at school, and even teachers may not notice.
Al-Saeeda said that when a girl initially asks for any personal-grooming procedure, parents can discuss the request with her and determine what is appropriate for her age, rather than automatically rejecting it by saying, “You’re still too young,” or agreeing simply out of fear of what others might say.
Understanding the reason behind the request may reveal whether it is motivated by a genuine desire, imitation or fear of criticism.
“When the request involves procedures that are generally unsuitable for children, it is possible to ask about the reason instead of responding with criticism, suspicion or any negative reaction,” Al-Saeeda said, emphasizing that parents’ reactions at this point are crucial to building a relationship of trust.
At the same time, she said parents can use language that strengthens a girl’s relationship with herself, such as: “We take care of our hygiene and appearance because that is part of taking care of ourselves, not so that people will like us.”
This helps prevent children from associating their behavior with others’ acceptance, which could weaken their self-confidence and make them more vulnerable to bullying.
Combating and addressing bullying in schools
Al-Saeeda added that family conversations about girls should not constantly focus on their appearance “beautiful, thin, neat, beautiful hair” but should instead highlight their qualities, abilities, effort, courage and independence, sending them the message: “You are loved by us.”
If parents discover that the real reason behind a request for grooming is bullying, addressing the girl’s appearance should not be the only solution. Instead, the bullying itself must be addressed, in cooperation with the school when necessary, while teaching the girl skills for handling social situations and providing psychological support.
Al-Saeeda said parents can work on strengthening the girl’s self-confidence and providing unconditional love and acceptance, while also working with the school to combat and address bullying.
“The most important message for parents is that personal grooming is a right for a girl, but it is not the price of social acceptance,” Al-Saeeda said.
The aim, she added, is to help girls feel: “I take care of myself because I love and respect myself, not because my appearance determines my value or makes others accept me.”
In conclusion, Al-Saeeda stressed that this represents a healthy balance between responding to a child’s needs and protecting her from the pressure of beauty standards and bullying.
Resource: Al-Ghad. Reporting: Rasha Kanakrieh
